First of all, thank you to everyone for the love you poured out to our son for his birthday from my last post! If you're thinking, geez a month late Rachel! You're right, I am way past due in thanking everyone - but I would like to think I have a good excuse.
You see, here's the thing:
The business of love is a bit of a mess.
I really wish I could take credit for that, but I saw it written out somewhere and I have no idea who to actually quote.
Our kids (and Dustin, and myself) have had a lot going on since my birthday request that so many of you generously poured out towards. We've been tested, pulled, and stretched even after I thought I was at my breaking point.
At one point my husband looked at me and goes "You good?" to which I replied "No, I am not. I am not good. I can't do this. I can't calm myself down. I can't pull myself together! If I were to rate how I'm doing on 0-10; 0 being relaxed and normal - I'm at a 6 and have been here for 3 days and I can't come down!"
As much as I wanted him to join my chaos and feel bad for me and just simply fix it all - he sat there continuing to give our youngest a bath and said "It'll be okay Rach, it always is."
And in the moment of wanting to scream to be loved and be held and be seen - he was there like he always is.
And all of you have been there like you always are.
That's all I needed reminding of to keep going. That we have been set forth on a mission from God with an army of supporters and in the moments of despair and agony - we keep going - simply because we've been surrounded by people who will keep us going.
I say this as my story - but if you know our specific circumstances over this past month - you know this was our kiddo's too. As much as you know my heart from how open I am - please know this was our son's heart too.
In a moment of struggle, of having to face the complexities and pain of real life, he was overwhelmed.
And you know what happened?
Our mailbox was flooded. Packages arrived at our doorstop made out to a special birthday boy.
In his moment of feeling like he had no army to lean on - you guys - my army - our army - stood up and showed him you would be there.
That my friends is something special.
If you sent a card, or even sent up a prayer for him, thank you.
Thank you for showing a child who may never met you face to face that he is loved. That people care. That when life is overwhelming, you can lean on the love of others. That God will always send people to remind you of His faithfulness.
I'm crying as I type this. I wish I could hug you all personally.
Today I'm at a 0 (okay, maybe I stay at a 1), and I'd like to think he is too. We've all come so far by the grace of God and the love you generously poured out.
We are so blessed to be a witness to the love of foster care and what it can ignite.
It is hard, extremely hard, but some days - like when your son is opening mail from an army of strangers - you realize you might actually be able to see, touch, and feel love right there at your dinning room table.