When did we as a society come to believe that “true” friends or “true” relationships come with being overly critical or negative?
I see so many instances of “well a true friend would...” and the remark is so hurtful. Or “she/he really needs to hear this, and I’m going to say it because I’m a “true” friend.”
I’m calling bull....logna.
And no - I’m not talking about being “snowflake” nice to people or needing “safe-houses” from the slightest critical comment.
I am talking about believing in each other instead of belittling each other.
Trust me when I say that I have heard every critical and negative thought about myself and my situation— and it came from the person in my mirror.
Good gracious the woman in my mirror is hurtful and hateful. She can pick up the smallest flaw every where from an eyelash clump in my mascara to the size of my student loan debt. And she’s incessant!
So no, I don’t need a “true” friend of today’s society criticizing my desperate attempts at doing what’s right for my family, myself, or my faith relationship.
I - and my I be so bold to say we - need just a friend.
And what a friend we have in Jesus - can I get an amen?!
Talk about the real truth bringer. Jesus laid down some convictions on people - he flipped tables in the house of the Lord, okay? But you know what he also did? He made a prostitute his great (great x4) grandmother, he helped an adulterous woman with her daily chores, he took a murderer and made him his greatest missionary, and he told stories of the ‘least of these’ time and time again and made them stories about grace instead of where they failed.
Yes, we as friends need to be able to shine light on situations, help someone through rough times, or even show them where their self righteous wrong-ness is hurting others - but come on.
If you’re bringing that level of truth to a friend - you must also balance the scales with all the other truths in their lives - the good they’re doing, how proud you are, and how they make you feel.
Trust me when I say I’ve failed at this time and time again, but I’m trying. And as I tell my kiddos - I don’t care if you fail, but I do care if you didn’t try.
Hurting people, hurt people. And when we’re all hurting each other - and ourselves - we are not going to get anywhere. The truth hurts - but it also brings love and grace - don’t forget that.
I have had the privilege lately to have some really life-bringing friends. The kind of friends who stand next to me in the middle of my failure and instead of pointing it out (because they already know I know) they simply offer themselves.
As friends we don’t have to agree. We can even let each other down - and in fact we all will many times. But I do think we have a responsibility to be present. I will need to work on my friend/relationship skills for the rest of my life — and so will you.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be and to have the kind of friend that is disgusted with the person in the mirror telling you these “truths”?
To be and to have the kind of friend that grabs you by the wrist and looks in the mirror and shouts “shut up you lying turd!”
Because in the end, Jesus flipped tables once in the Bible, but he sat down at them with sinners hundreds of times.
Be the kind of friend that sits down at tables instead of flips them.
I may have finally discovered my New Years resolution right here in the middle of March.
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