So the thought “where does my full confidence lie” came to my head and as soon as I wrote it down I thought - wait I do not mean it like that! Ugh, the finicky English language! But the more I read it, it kind of does work both ways....
You know one of those pictures: do you see a lamp or two people looking at each other? I love the perspective change those propose! I digress. But there can be lie as in untruth, and lie as in lay down in peace.
I initial did not mean “lie” as in an untruth but it still works to help contrast what I have found. I thought my confidence and security came through my pedal to the metal attitude and being this awesome career woman who brought home the bacon.
I went to school and gathered lots of debt (it is the latest trend y’all) but I will say I came out with a career I was incredibly passionate about, proud of, and that paid well. With this new career came pride - like I got this, watch out world, I can support my family, and an attitude of I will work late into the day because if I want it done right then let me make sure I do it. You have seen my husband’s trophy husband shirt, right?
And this is where confidence did lie (as in not true) to me. My worldly confidence told me that my family requires me to work hard long hours to survive. My patients need all of me, every day. As a career woman, I need to give all of myself to prove my worth in this world and my paycheck will solidify who I can be!
Ooohhh such a sneaky lie. Here Rachel, eat this apple. Your family needs it – you were only given this passion to be able to make a paycheck – keep throwing all of yourself at your work.
Ladies, do not blame Eve. We all have taken a bite of the apple, okay?
But this lie was just that - Not true. God truly directed my path of going to school and becoming an occupational therapist - but He never intended for it to consume and become a source of selfish pride.
I am talking to you now: God never intended for anything to consume your life except His love and grace. I do not know what that is for you, it could be a multitude of things or people. But your confidence might be lying to you; and it probably comes in a very sneaky form.
Now let’s flip this script!
My confidence lies in unconditional love, judgement at the pearly gates, the fact that we were created for relationships, and that God truly does work all things together in His plan for His glory. I still doubt and my securities slip {more than they should} but at the end of the day my confidence lies - picture sprawling across a blanket on a manicured lawn with the sun shining; or curled up on a couch - on a God who directs my path.
The side scuttles and failures are my own free will stretching its chunky little legs before scrambling back - but the main road, my upward trajectory, my joy - is the confidence that there is so much more to this life.
I used to think idols were synonymous with bright and beautiful fantasies or celebrity crushes – but they are not. Idols are things or even ideas that can create enough fear and unsettlement in you that cause you to rely on them instead of God. Let that sink in for a minute.
Hard truth to admit, but an idol for me is money – working my tail off and giving 100% of myself to my job gave me security in the form of a healthy bank account. I would never tell you I love money or want to throw it around or show off – but I do like the worldly security it brings – and the extreme fear when it gets tight.
Following God’s path in going from full time to sometimes less than part time to balance the role of foster momma allowed me to see this idol. Here I was more fulfilled and satisfied in the role and path God has chosen me for and inspiring others through – and I am doubting it because my ideal number in savings is a little off?!
I am bringing more joy and people with me to eternal life through the blessing of going from 90% career woman to 90% woman on fire for my family – and I am going to doubt God’s call and God’s provision for my family because I am not comfortable with my savings plan?
I know I am not alone. I do not want to hear the lies of the world any longer. I want my full confidence to lie in a God who by unyielding love and grace can change the world. Confidence in God who loves widows and orphans, who sits with drunkards and prostitutes, who hears the mourns of the homeless, and who is more worried about filling up hearts than bank accounts.
Where does your confidence lie to you? Now where does it lie in God’s provision and plan for your life? Do they match? Do you need an adjustment?
Here is my word hug to you my friend: Let your confidence lie in God (even when it gets scary – that is the good part when you look back).